GoodFriday

Good Friday

April 21st, 2000

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Anita and I were kind of nervous at first at how this little shindig we started would play out, but our nerves were soothed when people rolled in and a good time was had by most. The drinking went on, people showed up, people left. Those who left were promptly replaced by newcomers with guests of their own, and as thus the night progressed.

When inviting people, we only had a small handful on the list, but the actual number of people who attended were numerous. Of those we had invited, one was of particular importance to us, but he was unfortunately unable to attend. This person was was an individual named Scott.

The night moved along nicely, despite the workings of wanker Bob, who struggled desperately to keep Anita's attention, and only succeeding to piss her off. That's alright, though, because his night ended much later by kissing her foot for a cigarette. But, as the wonderful Michael Ende says, That is another story and shall be told at another time.

Advancing the story to midway through the night, there came a knock-knock-knocking at the door. Anita answered, only to find the shape of a man crouched in the doorway. This man crawled on all fours into our living room, conversation therein ceasing as the light of the room revealed him to be none other than the Son of God! He stared about the room, eyes wide with fear, and produced a boom box and sheaf of papers. After inserting a tape and hitting play, he rose to his feet with the funky beat (dig them rhymes, boi-ee) and recited his specially composed rap song:

Word up kids, Jesus Christ in the house
J.C. if you're hip, which I thoroughly doubt
Yes, I'm down from the cross, so let the party begin
Line up ladies, get a piece of this original sin

Yo, get a piece of this original sin
Yo, I'm tired of herding sheep. WORD!

Long, long ago they predicted I would come
They said, "God up in Heaven gonna have a mortal son."
And he did, here I am, bringin' joy to all I touch
Yo, they knew that I would come, but they didn't know how much

Yo, I'm the son of God
And I judge you, sinners. WORD!

All you sinners are now under my supervision
I'd send you all to Hell except I've come to a decision
I'll give everyone forgiveness if you'll follow one condition
I want everybody's chin to join my sac-religion

Everybody's chin to join my sac-religion
You can all be forgiven
Join my sac-religion

So, I've been dead 2000 years, I can still get it up

Just deep-throat the messiah

You know, funny story about the word "messiah," they were actually saying, "My Sire," but their mouths were full, if you know what I mean. "Messiah, Messiah." I forgave them.

I want everybody's chin to join my sac-religion

Wave your hands in the air like you just don't care
Wave your hands in the air like you just don't care

So I'm dyin' on the cross and I'm lookin' to the sky
Yes, I'm hopin' for a hand from that Celestial Guy
And I see 'im in the clouds just a-barely peekin' out
So I listen really close and I hear the man shout

He said, "I fukked yer mom!"
I said, "I don't need to hear that!"
"I fukked yer mom!"
"Stop sayin' that, Dad!"
"You know, I fukked yer mom!"
"Oh, yeah? How was she?"
"Most experienced virgin daddy-mac ever had!"

join my sac-religion

Of course,the messiah was actually Scott. He had the routine planned with out with Zak and Sammy (a couple of other friends in that particular circle who were invited and in attendance), totally unbeknownst to Anita and I. If there were to be anymore surprises that night, none could have surpassed the pleasure and tear-bringing laughter which made Scott's visit the crowning point of the party. Luckily, this wonderful moment was not lost to the vaults of memory as one of our guests had brought a video recorder and we have it on cassette! Hooray!